I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
