You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
