eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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