you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
