so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
