I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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