Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
