My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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