just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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