youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just fell off a train. Bad.
In America we eat man semen.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
