i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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