My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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