zippers are such a cool invention
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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