dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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