thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
