so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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