do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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