Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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