dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
