Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
