i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I am one with the molecules
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
