thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
