you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
