How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
