if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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