"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
