your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
