Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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