I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
