Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
