Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
