I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
