Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
