Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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