he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
