Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
