Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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