Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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