i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The beer is more important than you right now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
