YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
