We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
