All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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