they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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