I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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