just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
