is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
