guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
