I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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