it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
