I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I love you.
Bad choice
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
