Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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