please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
