I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
