Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
